I picked up a prgnancy test kit on saturday prior to younger womans arrival. She'd already pointed out that she didnt want to be pressured into taking it, and understanding how scary it must be for her, i respected that. However, theres no harm in being prepared, so i had the kit available in case she decided that she might want me to be there when she did it.

I didnt pressure her, i pointed out that we have responsibilities, and that its better to know wether we have something to worry about, than worry about something that might not actually be, etc. But i didnt press the issue. Whilst i was taking her home on sunday, she promised me she would take it on monday evening and that she wanted to be alone. Thats fine, but i pointed out that although i respect her decision, she was going to have to do it in front of me as well, else there was no way i could be 100% sure i wasn't being played. She understood and agreed, but still wanted to do the first one alone.

She texted monday early evening, saying that she felt a little guilty/selfish for saying that she wanted to be alone and that she would like me to be there with her. i couldnt, i was working. I would have liked to be there. Not through mistrust, but because i realise that she may have needed a hug more than anything else in the world right after.

It came out negative )

She's still going to do another test at the weekend as a double check though.

How do i feel about it?? hmmm... i'm not sure! on one hand, i wont deny that im hugely relieved!
On the other hand though... well, that could have been a child, my child, our child. Sure, not the ideal circumstances. But deep down, i think she would make a great mother, and no way would i let her struggle on her own and be a 'father on the end of a phone'. She thought it would ruin our lives. I think it would CHANGE our lives, but not ruin them.

Anyway, regardless... i'm pleased she finally took the test. Actually, i'm proud that she did. I listened to her and understood why she was scared. She listened to me and understood why it needed to be done, she stepped over her fear and did it. Yeah, i wish i'd been there. I'll be there at the double check.