i'm quite jealous of Jay Z. Not because of the 99 problems, i have far fewer problems than him. But because a bitch aint one of them.

The eager keen 21 year old was getting emotionally attached, and i figured that wasn't a great thing, as although she is hot, and cute, and ok, yeah, i do like her, there was no intention of emotional attachment on either of our parts. She also has some psychological issues that she finally told me about a few days previously. On monday, she asked me about wether i could see any long term future between us.

Whoaa!!

I've not tried to lead her into thinking there was more to this than there actually was, and in the interest of preventing more upset/pain than necessary, i had to put her into her place. Right away. I've probably not been as open and clear about it as i should have been, and i found that the more i've gotten to know and her know me, the more important its been to talk to her about this, but the harder its become. But now, it had to be right away.

So i said 'yeah, about that... i'm not going to be in the country next year'. Pretty delicate, i thought... this was followed with questions such as 'so you got wife and kids out there?' etc. We chatted on msn for a while. The chat seemed to be based on me being an ass and how much she hates me, no she doesnt hate me, she wants to hate me, but she cant hate me, she's going to kill me etc. We then agreed to meet up the following evening for a drink and a chance to talk about the whole thing face to face.

So we met up and went for a drink and talked. She asked about the whole canada thing and i said yep, thats where im going. probably first quarter of next year. and she talked about how she'd fallen for me etc. How low did i feel???

she then told me that she thinks she may be pregnant.

the rest of the night is a bit of a blur as far as conversation goes. All i remember is somehow, we ended up back at mine and fucking for the night. She suggested staying at mine whilst i was at work but i said that would be too weird, and i packed her off to the train station.

of course, i dont believe for one moment that she really does think she is pregnant. We've been careful. And more likely to be a reaction to my statement of i'm leaving the country. After all, 4 weeks is borderline too soon to have any indication. I'm more concerned about her mental state of mind. She's no stranger to a razorblade.